Shameless, Channel 4

Debuted 10.00pm Tuesday 13 January 2004
Offbeat drama series – a masterpiece – written by Paul Abbott (Clocking Off, Linda Green, State Of Play) about the Gallagher family, loosely based on his own life – he was one of 10 siblings abandoned by their mother when he was just nine, . leaving his 16-year-old sister to raise the family.
The drama features the Gallaghers' encounters with sex, love and crime on the Chatsworth council estate in Manchester where they live. Abbott says: "It’s not bleak or sentimental, it’s the total opposite – just really funny and outrageous”.
The lead role of Frank was originally given to Sean Gallagher, but then it was thought he was too young to play the good-for-nothing. It cost makers Makers Company Pictures £100,000 to dump the scenes that were in the can so they could bring in David Threlfall as a replacement.

The cast
David Threlfall as Frank Gallagher,42, a self-pitying, selfish, charmless, unemployed, alcoholic, bullying father of Fiona, Lip, Ian, Debbie, Carl and Liam
Anne-Marie Duff as Fiona, the warm-hearted, sensible 21-year-old who has looked after her siblings and her father since Frank's wife walked out years ago
Jody Latham as Lip (Philip), a good-looking, street-wise, cheeky but caring 16-year-old who is keen to lose his virginity
Gerard Kearns as actively gay but introverted 15-year-old Ian, who works at the local convenience store
Rebecca Ryan as Debbie, nine, who has a spooky interest in cleanliness, tidiness and babies, and is the most loving towards her father
Luke/Elliot Tittensor as breast-obsessed Carl, 11
Joseph Furnace as Liam, a three-year-old terror
James McAvoy as Steve, 23, the middle-class Londoner who steals cars for a living and becomes Fiona's boyfriend
Maxine Peake as feisty next-door neighbour Veronica Fisher
Dean Lennox Kelly as Veronica's barman boyfriend Kev Ball
Maggie O'Neill as Frank's Valium-fuelled, dirt-hating, agoraphobic lover Sheila Jackson
Steve Pemberton as Sheila's Bible-bashing husband Eddie Jackson
Rebecca Atkinson as Sheila and Eddie's promiscuous daughter Karen Jackson
Chris Bisson as Ian’s Muslim, married secret lover Kash, 35, who runs the local shop
Anthony Flanagan as Tony, the young copper who lost his virginity – and heart – to Fiona
Kelli Hollis as Yvonne
Marjorie Yates as Carol
Annabelle Apsion as Monica
Dystin Johnson as Norma

Episode guide
1 – The last stolen car torching of the summer takes place on the Chatsworth Estate. Lip gets closer to losing his virginity when in return for helping the gorgeous Karen Jackson with her homework. Ian's gay porn stash is uncovered by Lip who discovers his brother his having sex with Kash and tries to see if he really is gay by getting Karen to give him a blow job under the dining table – an act that is spotted by her straightlaced father Eddie. Fiona falls for the well-mannered, well-dressed Steve, who comes to her rescue at a club and soon gets his feet under the table.
2 – Frank goes missing even though it's Friday/Giro day, but he turns up in Calais, without a clue about how he got there – although Fiona discovers new boyfriend Steve had something to do with it. Neighbours Veronica and Kev fetch Frank (and loads of booze) home but he walks out again, ending up living with S&M sex-mad Sheila after hearing from her husband that he's left her.
3 – Barman Kev is inundated with drunk, lairy women – the usual routine for a Friday night at the Jockey – but he tells his admirers he's getting married – even though he's yet to tell girlfriend Veronica. When she agrees to go through with it, Kevn has to tell her he's already married. They decide to have a fake ceremony in order to inherit £5,000 but the day is ruined by Veronica's pyromaniac, Tourette's syndrome-suffering brother Marty (Jack Deam). Meanwhile, gay Ian is in trouble with the hardnut brothers of Mandy Maguire (Samantha Siddall) when he rejects her advances and she pretends he pounced on her.
4 – A child goes missing from a children's party on the Chatsworth estate, and Frank whips the residents into a frenzied lynch mob lashing out at anyone who looks a bit different, even the ice-cream man. But then Fiona discovers the girl has been taken by her troubled sister Debbie and they need to return the child without any fuss to avoid trouble. Meanwhile, Frank is enjoying life at his new home with Sheila, but finds it hard to cope when teenage daughter Karen (Rebecca Atkinson) tries to seduce him.
5 – Karen plans to seduce Frank on their driving lesson. The Gallagher kids may have to go into care and Lip may miss out on getting into the sixth form because Frank doesn't want to attend the school's parents' evening on their behalf. Steve agrees to stand in – and then catches Frank and Karen shagging in the school toilets. When Lip finds out, he takes on his father in results a bloody fight. Kash's wife Yvonne (Kelli Hollis) witnesses her husband and and his underage lover Ian together on the shop's security camera and they are terrified she'll tell the whole of the Chatsworth Estate. Features Corin Redgrave as a bitter teacher.
6 – Frank hatches a plan to get his hands on the maintenance payment from ex-wife Monica (Annabelle Apsion), even though he's no longer looking after the kids. But the plot is exposed when the bills pile up and scary bailiffs pile in. Monica returns, bringing her big black lesbian trucker lover Norma (Dystin Johnson) with her. Meanwhile, Tony has a proposal for Fiona, and Frank turns transvestite to avoid a beating from the bailiffs.
7 – Things are going badly for Frank, with hassle from the housing office, bailiffs on the doorstep and a total lack of funds. So he goes along with the suggestion of his ex-wife's lover Norma and stages his own death. But after his wake at The Jockey, he realises the flaw in his plan. Sheila overcomes her agoraphobia and announces she's pregnant. Jealous PC Tony nicks Steve for stealing cars, but then succumbs to bribery. Steve then buys the house next door for himself and Fiona – and promptly burns it down to claim insurance money.

Series three
1 – Five-year-old Liam gets into trouble at school by denouncing religion so Debbie shaves his head and pretends he's dying of cancer. That sparks a community-wide charity appeal, culminating in 'Liam Day': a decision by Frank and Sheila to reunite the whole family under one roof; and the return of Liam's mother with her butch girlfriend.
2 – Lip has a new job as a porter at a hotel and gets into a towel-stealing scam with colleague Jack (Bryan Dick) – and takes a fancy to his sister Zoë (Christine Bottomley) – while Jack seduces Ian (with ulterior motives). Meanwhile, Kev's sister Kelly-Marie (Sally Carman) moves in with Frank and Sheila – and is soon operating as a prostitute under their roof.
3 – Mandy Maguire gives birth to Lip's daughter after being knocked to the ground during a purse robbery at the shop. Her family won't let Lip see the child or Mandy so he and Ian aim to find the robber who stole Mimi Maguire's bracelet. Kev gets a surefire horse racing tip, and Frank can't afford a present for Sheila's birthday.
4 – The DSS swarm the estate in droves thanks to Carol who has reported Lillian to the DSS for benefit fraud in revenge after discovering her best friend had an affair with her husband in the 1970s. Carl is in love with Lip's new girlfriend Emily so he poses as her brother Dom – and ends up with an ankle tag so he can't flout Dom's ASBO. Frank and proposes to Sheila – in The Jockey's toilets.
5 – On Kev's 35th birthday, his mother throws herself from her balcony and he's reunited at the funeral with ex-wife Roxy (Jill Halfpenny), who is straight out of prison and has a shock revelation. Carol's new gentleman-friend Norman Owens turns up for breakfast naked, while fatherhood has a positive effect on Lip.
6 – Carl starts making money by growing cannabis for the Maguires, but when the police launch drugs raids throughout the estate, he's suspected of being a grass. Lip is jealous when Mandy gets a new boyfriend, Carl's newfound notoriety makes him a hit with the girls, and The Jockey's barmaid Karen uses her feminine wiles to get some male attention.
7 – Debbie realises she's missing out on fun and she goes on strike after Lip and Ian spoil her house-party; Sue disappears, leaving Marty to deal with the debt collectors; and Frank thinks of becoming a medical guinea pig to make some beer money.
8 – As the wedding day looms, Sheila confesses to Frank that her first husband, Sheldon, is buried under the patio. Veronica's last attempt at IVF on the NHS fails – but when she discovers Sheldon was buried with all his gold jewellery, she persuades Frank to join her in a midnight dig to exhume the body to finance private treatment. However, they unearth a sinister secret. Meanwhile, Debbie gets involved a scam to obtain a bridesmaid's dress.

Shameless, Channel 4
Writer Paul Abbott is certainly versatile. From gritty northern factory drama Clocking Off he went south for State Of Play, last year’s glossy thriller about power and politics. Now he’s back in Manchester, for a different kind of drama again, a darkly comic piece about a large dysfunctional family living on a run-down estate.

Shameless could have been just a routine we’re-all-scallies piece, and for the first couple of minutes looked like it might be, as debauched single dad Frank Gallagher (David Threlfall) introduced his brood (including toddler Liam, but with no sign of a Noel). But then it took some brilliant turns, as Frank became a minor character (in fact comatose most of the time) and eldest daughter/surrogate mum Fiona (Anne-Marie Duff) stepped into the limelight. Abbott then infiltrated the family with Steve (James McAvoy, the editor’s son in State Of Play), an upmarket car thief who took a shine to Fiona and set about wooing her. Suddenly we had a nicely balanced mixture of romcom and in-yer-face street drama, and it never looked back from there.

The much-trailered shock elements were mainly based on sex, particularly son Lip getting blowjobs in return for helping classmate Karen with her homework, and getting her to try the same on his younger brother Ian to see if he was gay. He was, and Lip later caught him at it with shop owner Kash (former Corrie star Chris Bisson), whose white, devout-convert Muslim fiancée thought he should be spending more time at the Mosque. Plenty of tabloid shocker material there then, but none of it, in fact, seemed particularly shocking, partly because it was all so good-natured, and partly because, by then, we’d already been drawn into the Gallaghers’ world, and saw it, as they did, as just part of life.

Shameless is partly autobiographical (Abbott grew up in a large, motherless family), and its overriding feeling is of affection, between the family members (even for their highly dysfunctional dad), and for family life – warts, blowjobs and all. It takes a very good writer and actors to make something like that grip the attention, but they managed it. Certainly the best thing on TV so far this year, and likely to be up there among the best at the end of the year, too.

The top 13 highlights of the Shameless Christmas Special, Channel 4, Thursday
1 Frank emerging from under a blanket of snow – the first evidence of his presence being the patch of yellowing snow
2 Sheila giving birth while screaming for consonants and vowels Countdown style in a scene that was a clever nod to the Nativity
3 The anarchy in The Jockey when cheap (but contaminated) meat was available
4 The even worse anarchy in The Jockey when supplies of beer run low
5 Debbie tricking Carl out of his leather jacket by telling him it looked "too gay"
6 Kev's drinks cabinet disguised as a beer barrel
7 Yvonne fending off the army with a baseball bat in the minimart
8 Lip looking lovely
9 Slapper Carol and Mad Marty turning up like a bed smell after arsonist Marty had burnt the house down when he caught his mum shagging his best mate in the shower
10 Karen causing a diversion by giving a sexy soldier a blowjob
11 The old bat's verdict on Muslims – "I'm norra racist, but they're a fuckin' nightmare that lot."
12 The three-legged dogs
13 The ancient club singer doing What's Love Got To Do With It

The Top 10 moments from Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday
1 John Woodvine as Frank's no-nonsense dad Neville who turned up like a Wild West hero to sort out his useless offspring, who promptly fled to The Jockey for a pint of lager and a couple of Es.
2 The Jockey's lesbian landlady Jess banning Veronica for headbutting Karen (pinning a Polaroid of her on the wall of shame) – and Veronica's desperate attempts to get back in, disguised as a brunette and an old man.
3 Sheila overcoming her fear of being watched as she eats by attaching a napkin to her head with an elastic band when she went to the restaurant with Neville and Frank. We also loved the sensational red dress Sheila wore.
4 Frank praying in The Jockey – "Give us this day our daily bread, or at least let us get so caked that we don't give one iota of a fuck." – and dancing to the Stone Roses while drunk and semi-naked
5 Sheila falling asleep with her head in the washer-drier.
6 Veronica's verdict on partner Kev – "a useless spack of a husband with a lumpy little dick".
7 Frank and Sheila waking up and realising their bed is full of the debris of tuna sandwiches
8 Veronica's distract-the-milkman scam (previously seen in series one) so that Ian can nick milk and the milkman can walk away with a fierce erection
9 Lilian threatening to call the police when Frank pretended to be washing her windows
10 Neville entertaining Sheila and Frank's new twins Nigel and Delia with his harmonica

The Top 5 highlights of Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday
1 Madcap social worker Marissa (with her sheaves of papers) arriving at Veronica and Kev's house with 10-year-old foster kid Eric. "He was born in Ardwick. Not the posh bit but nice enough so he won't be stealing your purse to buy crack cocaine." Marissa later led a police raid on the house to take Eric away – returning a few minutes later after realising she'd got the address wrong.
2 Veronica vacuuming around the comatose Marty, the Tourette's sufferer who later taught Eric how to swear
3 Eric's immunity to Veronica's attempts to cheer up up with meals made in the shape of smiley faces
4 Frank scoffing the Hashy Birthday cake – and Eric finishing off the remains, before passing out
5 Carol and her continental (not) toyboy Rico. "So savage!"

The Top 5 highlights of Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday
1 Kev nicking the council's Diana Memorial Garden
2 Sheila leaving Frank with a cupboard of beer when she goes away to tend to her sick mother
3 Frank and the twins in the smoky pub after hours where Never Gonna Give You Up is being sung on the karaoke and stolen car radios are being traded.
4 Kev's embarrassment when it emerged he'd been wanked off by his brother Marty
5 Sheila cleaning up while wearing a black veil, following the death of her mother

The Top 5 moments in Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday
1 – Ian headbutting Frank when his father accused him of being gay. "Now you're talking," a beaming, bleeding Frank said. "Thank Christ for that."
2 – Lip's delight when Mandy sees him naked and says: "If you stuck a bonnet on that, it would look like a microphone."
3 – Fiona's hen party – Spice Girls, alcopops, devil's horns, ciggies and phallic balloons – and Steve's stag party – Ms Dynamite, beer and more beer, plus Lillian the dressmaker. She soon got fed up with Frank's cheek as she measured him up for his wedding suit. "Any more of that talk and I'll pin your whatsit to your knackers."
4 – The tearful departure of Steve after his drug dealing is exposed by PC Tony
5 – Marty's vendetta against Pepe, his mother's underpants-stealing dog

Top 10 highlights of Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday
1 – The Maguire family. So you thought the Gallaghers were chavvy? They're not a patch on the mad Maguires. Mum Mimi is a Pro-Life Catholic but still deals drugs out the back door and wears cheap bling. Dad is a violent drunk, his sons are apprentice violent drunks and his daughter Mandy is a nymphomaniac who kneed Lip in the balls when he wasn't in the mood for sex.
2 – Ian's trepidation when the Maguires found out he had made daughter Mandy pregnant. He thought he was in for a beating – but got a backslapping instead. "Mimi was up the duff before we got married," said dad. "Welcome to the family." Mimi was welcoming, too, until she got Ian alone. "If you ever do anything to hurt her," she told Ian while wielding a carving knife, "your bollocks come off."
3 – Moya Brady (previously in The Bill) as Cassie, the relief manager at the Jockey who demanded that Frank pay off his £375 bar tab before he'd get another drop of £1.90-a-pint lager (you'd struggle to find tap water at that price in London)
4 – Cassie's solution to Frank's problem: getting him to shag her in return for the debt being wiped. ("Bite me, treat me rough, spit on me," she cried)
5 – Kev's attempt to make the smoke alarm go off to save Frank from Cassie's clutches.
6 – Frank sitting quietly, knocking back wine, while the Maguires began a mass brawl out at the Ian-Mandy engagement party in The Jockey (while I'm In The Mood For Dancing cheesed up the joint). Kev – "I thought your family were bad, Frank, but they're like the Windsors compared with this lot."
7 – Lip talking to gay brother Ian about getting Mandy pregnant – "I used Johnnys. What should I use? Bin liners? What do you use, Ian? Oh yeah, Kash's arse."
8 – Sheila throwing away her medication ("Sometimes we have to make sacrifices. Look at Joan of Arc") and then hallucinating all the time, seeing Frank as the slob he really is and her babies as suckling pigs.
9 – The nympho nurse ripping open a condom packet with her teeth (don't do that at home, kids. That's how babies happen) just seconds after Lip had finished screwing her and filling the last Johnny.
10 – Chris Coghill (from our fave show Burn It) joining the cast as Craig, new love interest for Fiona now that Steve has been forced to flee.
11 – Veronica weeing in the alley

Top 10 highlights of Shameless, Channel 4
1 – Psychotic, bitter bunny boiler Katrina, played brilliantly by Tara Moran who switched from fake smiles to looks of evil malice in nanoseconds. Katrina, a school nemesis of Fiona's (who nicknamed her Sperm Whale), and possibly the most deranged public official on TV since Mad Maya in Coronation Street. She punched Kev in the face, slammed her fiancée Joey Dawson's already broken arm with the toilet door and threatened to have Liam taken into care. And this was when she still thought that Fiona has only given Joey a drunken snog rather than shagged him. When her plan failed, she blurted out that Fiona pissed on her PE kit. She was last seen tucking into four helpings of cheesecake and having second thoughts about her Lord Of The Rings-themed wedding with the page boys as hobbits.
2 – Ian is delighted when he finds out Frank isn't his real dad. When he goes looking for his real dad Gary, he ends up in a posh outer-suburb area where a rich resident notices his chav-like appearance and takes her hedge cutter indoors. But the jazz-loving suburban Gary isn't his dad; the real one turns out to be a virtual clone of Frank.
3 – Sheila washing and straightening cling film so she can reuse it. "I haven't had to buy any for three years."
4 – Frank's incoherent rage against bureaucracy and his rare show of appreciation for Fiona's role as substitute mother.
5 – Debbie knowing every family member's blood group and being able to remember every family member's Christmas presents since 1995.
6 – Carl having to have Vaseline applied to his arse after an accident with trying to light his own farts.
7 – Kev's small talk with Katrina to stall her while Fiona looks for Joey's keys. "So, Fiona said you used to be really fat!"
8 – Veronica's mermaid costume.
9 – Frank complementing the size of a woman's breasts while she breastfeeds her baby in a hospital waiting room.
10 – Fiona declaring that Frank's greatest achievement will go down as ?getting to the bog on time.



Top 15 highlights of Shameless, Channel 4
1 – After Fiona announces to the family that she's pregnant, Debbie is delighted, saying she knew all along and has been secretly knitting yellow bootees for weeks.
2 – Fiona saying "I was the only girl in my class who wasn't pregnant before my GCSEs. I was really proud of that."
3 – Marty sporting a trendy fin hairstyle and using the rear view mirror he nicked from Kev and Veronica's car to look at Fiona's newly enlarged breasts, a result of her pregnancy
4 – Gerard Kearns' acting as Ian, who is in tears when he finds out his secret boyfriend Kash may lose his business and consequently have to move away. Awww, you just wanted to give him a hug.
5 – The accident claims salesmen, hoping to pounce on aggrieved people and persuade them to sue. Shopkeeper Yvonne tried to get rid of them by throwing a bucket of water, but then she slammed the door on Frank – and he lost a tooth. The salesmen descended, promising compensation and shoving him into a neckbrace he doesn't need. When Frank changes his mind about suing, he's landed with a huge legal bill, and it's very satisfying when Kev plays the sharks at their own game by setting them up at the end.
6 – Veronica trying to cheer up Fiona as she takes her to have an abortion. She tries to make light of the situation by saying she will take advantage of the free condoms in the hospital and is bitchy about a chubby, bespectacled woman who is also in the abortion clinic, saying that it's a wonder how she got pregnant in the first place.
7 – The ostracising of Frank by the other locals when they find out he's caused the shop to close and they'll have to catch the bus into town. The revenge included Frank and Sheila being pelted with eggs ("I've been shot"), Frank being refused to be served in The Jockey ("We're just choosing not to serve you due to popular demand") and a sign on the shop saying "Shop Closed. Blame Frank Gallagher".
8 – Fiona's new catch Craig, who still lives with his wife. Not because they are still together ("We haven't touched each other in two years") but because she is technically entitled to half of everything in the house and wants to make the most of it. He later revealed that while they were married and trying for a baby she had "enough contraception to sterilise an elephant".
9 – Sheila trying to win prizes on radio competitions (she won a year's supply of mini yoghurts once) and then triumphing on Grab My Grand with Richard Arnold. After a massive binge to celebrate Sheila's win, Frank is hung over and found under the pub pool table amid ciggies and spilt beer. "I dreamt I was dead" he said. "I have that dream" replied Fiona. Frank isn't so happy when Sheila tells him she used all but £80 of her £1,000 winnings to pay for a debt that had already being written off.
10 – After dropping his claim against the shop, Frank does a grand re-opening, complete with scissors and a ribbon.
11 – The hard-up Gallaghers resorting to charity tins – having to guess what's inside the labelless cans. The contents includes strawberry flavoured edible knickers. Carl ate them.
12 – Frank recalls his 21st birthday. "My first drink was spiked with LSD and Spanish Fly. I got arrested for shagging the exhaust pipe of a Mini Metro."
13 – Fiona shagging Craig, accompanied by Relight My Fire
14 – Sheila wearing a plastic rainhood (we love them) as she took babies Nigel and Delia for a walk
15 – Sheila appearing on Countdown and getting "copulate".

Top 7 highlights of Shameless, Channel 4
1 – Debbie trying to cure Marty of Tourette's syndrome by substituting nice words for swearwords eg spongecake instead of spunkface.
2 – Veronica – "My dad died the day I passed my driving test. Well, at least I got his Citreon."
3 – The crowd urging Marty to jump off Sandringham House – and Debbie talking him down.
4 – Veronica's battle with Kelly Marie, culminating in her locking her sister-in-law in the bathroom to get her off heroin
5 – Marty getting all wistful about the beauty of a gas tower.
6 – Carol's leopardskin eye mask and nightgown
7 – Debbie making tea while bopping around to Westlife. There's still a shred of childhood innocence left in the girl.

Top 10 highlights of Shameless, Channel 4
1 – Frank finishing his drink, right down to eating the ice cubes, with the winning raffle ticket stuck to the bottom of the glass. Sheila, meanwhile, was in hysterics, frantically searching the mountain of raffle tickets she bought to ensure she'd win an invite to the Lady Mayoress's Ball. It turned out Frank pinched the winning ticket from Lillian, who had disappeared because her husband Brendan had been decapitated in a car accident.
2 – Debbie taking charge and organising the family. She's a tough, authoritarian leader, threatening to cut Carl's tongue out if he let Fiona know he doesn't want her to leave, but she got the job done. The family rushed to get Fiona back with Steve and she supplied an alibi for Carl when the police came round ("He was being circumcised!"), got four lads to shave their hair off "for Red Nose Day" so it'd be more difficult to identify accidental killer Carl, and telling the family the financial sacrifices they'd have to make without Fiona.
3 – Frank's attempts to get rid of Sadie, a beautiful, fluffy white dog belonging to Brendan which Lillian always hated. He tied her in a bag and dumped her in a canal, but she somehow survived and found him in the pub. Then he threw a ball for her to fetch over the motorway, causing a traffic accident. But she survived that and turned up at the end of the episode with the ball for Frank. He decided to keep her. It's a good thing she seems indestructible given the fate of the last dog in the Gallagher house...
4 – Sheila's lullabies for her twins are Cliff Richard songs. But they only work if Sheila herself is singing them.
5 – Frank in a tuxedo and Sheila in a navy blue ballgown which reveals a lot of cleavage (plus a glittering tiara) as they head to the Lady Mayoress's Ball. They can't afford to hire a limo, so instead go in a mini-bus. But the Lady Mayoress organises for them to return in a "special car". A police car.
6 – Kev telling Karen to cheer up a jilted and bruised Craig by "taking him to the bogs to suck him off".
7 – Lillian trying to give innocent explanations to the police for the massive amount of drugs found with her dead husband's body. The cannabis was on prescription, he only used the glue for making matchstick models and the amphetamines were Lillian's, for her narcolepsy, which she put in Brendan's dinner "as a joke".
8 – Ian calls Yvonne a "hard-faced, two-faced, sour-faced bitch" after learning she has hired another lad to work in the shop – and feels a little guilty when she informs him that it's so he can work in a pub collecting glasses and thus spend more time with Kash. Ian's replacement Mick seems find Ian very attractive....
9 – Kash's political opponent Bernie Creme tries to turn the crowd of the pub against Kash with a tirade of racist remarks and BNP-style policies, plus a girl who looks like a Sun Page 3 stunna. It works at first, but he goes too far and it backfires on him.
10 –The playing of The Scouse National Anthem, You'll Never Walk Alone.


Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 3 January 2006
Did we like it?
Shameless shambled back with a great story – and loads more Lillian (hooray)

What was good about it?
• The opening featuring sex (in the ladies' toilets), drugs (also in the ladies' toilets) and rock'n' roll (well, a tuneless Auld Lang Syne in The Jockey)
• Veronica's New Year's Resolutions: "more fags, more stripogram work and cut out the exercise".
• Lillian getting work as a (lousy) barmaid in The Jockey.
• Carol's Road to Damascus in The Jockey's loo when her prayer to God worked – the man she snogged and sent into shock due to his peanut allergy came back to life.
• Rebecca Ryan stealing the show as Debbie who, ever resourceful, came to Liam's aid after he faced expulsion for denouncing religion during his Catholic School's Nativity Play ("God doesn't exist and the Bible's all pretend stories.) Her plan – pretending he had cancer – got a little out of hand, though.
• The parody of Live Aid, with Jez introducing the fundraising fiesta Liam Day. "The time is 12.30. The place is Chatsworth Estate. Welcome to Liam Day. Give us your fucking money."
• The police: "We have reason to believe Class A drugs are being consumed and sold on these premises." The Jockey's landlady Jez: "Of course they are; it's New Year's Eve."
• Sheila to little Debbie: "We've run out of Sprite so I've done you a vodka."
• Sheila: "My risotto will be turned to mud."
• Frank to son Lip: "No gear!!!???? You call yourself a fucking teenager!"
• The local newspaper hack: "Sick kids are good but nothing beats a good, juicy murder."
• Yvonne: "Every time Bono shits, he makes a million quid. He aint making my poverty history."
• Vicky 'Teachers/Bodies' Hall as lusty literacy teacher Serena who aimed to seduce Kev. He remained loyal to wife Veronica – but did have to indulge in frantic wanks in the toilet, in a phone box and in the bedroom while watching the DVD Detention Bitches
• Frank and Sheila moving house using a shopping trolley – and spilling the box of dildoes on the way
• Kev's cut'n'shut car splitting in two

What was bad about it?
• Frank. We still cannot find it in our hearts to love David Threlfall's scruffy loser – even when he was forced to drag up and sing Good Ship Lollipop for the entertainment of the local cops or when he necked tranquilisers while on the bouncy council.
• Another airing of Slade's Merry Xmas Everybody. We agree with Kev: "If I hear that song one more time, I'm gonna chin some fucker."
• Marty and Sue's recreation of a sunshine holiday in the Gallaghers' council house was one wacky story too far


Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 10 January 2006
Did we like it?
Eight out of 10

What was good about it?
• The Stars Up Their Arse competition at The Jockey where Frank appeared in the semi-final as Tom Jones, smoking a fag and with his flies open, and as Shirley Bassey in the final. His main competition came from Wendy Wagstaffe as a fat Karen Carpenter and Britney Spears
• Lip and Jack's scam in which they stole towels and toiletries from hotels which Carol and her team repackaged to flog at the market
• Sheila getting seriously turned on by the sound of Kelly-Marie ("dirty fucking skaghead" according to sister-in-law Veronica) working as a prostitute in the spare room. "He's calling her a dirty bitch. He's asking her to bite him. He's begging her. She's slapping him." Earlier, Sheila was worried that Frank would be tempted. "She's like an au pair without the accent," he reassured his wife. "Au pair! You're not going to have sex with her are you? I've seen a documentary on Channel Five."
• More action in the toilet cubicle including Ian falling for Bryan Dick's Jack's dick

What was bad about it?
• Poor little Ian being taken for a ride (literally) by Jack
• Poor little Ian being dumped by Kash
• Sheila's frightening dildoes. Came in handy though to lay low a punter who was laying into Kelly-Marie.
• Lillian in stockings as she tried to seduce Marty after dressing him as a sailor to remind of her late husband Brendan

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 17 January 2006
Did we like it?
The racing tip storyline had too much inevitability about it, but we loved seeing Lip turn into a lovely father to little Katie – unlike his own useless dad.

What was good about it?
• Lip and Ian preparing for a night out to the soundtrack of Boys Will Be Boys by Big Brother Preston's Ordinary Boys. Lip managed to pull a "posh girl" while Ian went off cottaging with mate Mick.
• Mandy's waters breaking in the freezer cabinet. Poor peas.
• Veronica – "You don't need a sense of adventure to live round here. In fact, that's the last thing you need."
• Debbie's battle against Sue
• Lip and Ian in the toilet cubicle trying to identify the penis that Ian sucked so that they can solve the mystery of Mimi Maguire's missing chavvy bracelet.
• The deaf/mute boy signing: "Fuck off you Paddy cunts" after the Maguires had tossed him off the top of a car park

What was bad about it?
• Frank being awful as usual, forcing two students to part with a fiver to stop him pestering them in The Jockey, forgetting Sheila's birthday, nicking a card for her (for a cool nephew) etc
• Far too much cocksucking, according to our mothers. We're quite happy to see a few blowjobs per programme but our mums don't.
• Far too many beatings for lovely Lip.

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 24 January 2006
Did we like it?
The DSS swoop on the cheating Chatsworth Estate residents, led by an unthreatening curly-headed ginger lad, brought all the characters into the storylineand made this the most enjoyable episode of the series.

What was good about it?
• Sheila: "I used to have a recurring nightmare where I was trapped in a roll of carpet when I should have been turning on the Christmas lights in Copenhagen, home of the Little Mermaid."
• Carl being obsessed with sex – and ending up with a tag for his troubles
• Sheila being shattered when Frank shattered her Countdown mug
• Marty chasing his mother when he got the job as a security guard at the Costchopper supermarket
• Carol putting on a posh voice when she rang the Shop A Scrounger telephone line to grass on Lillian, who gets incapacity benefit for her late husband Brendan
Sheila teaches some useful techniques to PC Tony to end his premature ejaculation problem. Her squeezing proves to be more effective than Tony's method: "I think of all the teams ever managed by Graeme Souness. I even think of fucking Graeme Souness but I'm flooring the brakes but nothing's stopping me." When Tony came (too quickly) she wasn't too concerned about the mess on her glove. ""It's only a polyester blend."
• Frank proposing to Sheila in the ladies' loo
• Sheila: "Some people are intimidated by choux pastry but actually it's quite straightforward."

What was bad about it?
• Carol and Lillian murdering The Most Beautiful Girl In The World in their reconciliatory singsong

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 31 January 2006
Did we like it?
After all the high jinks and fun in recent episodes, it was nice that the drama hit a sadder, more sombre tone.

What was good about it?
• The black humour surrounding the suicide of Kev's mother. There She Goes by The La's was playing as she tossed herself from her sixth-floor balcony; she landed on a traffic warden ("That'll be the last ticket he'll be giving," joked Kev) and among the traffic warden's funeral flowers was a huge 'DAD' made from parking tickets.
• With Veronica having to comfort the bereaved Kev, her mother leapt in to take advantage of the dinner she'd booked at Luigi's (with a £10 discount voucher)
• Carol's adventures with her new manfriend Norman Owens – he seduced her in nudism and a shag on the front doorstep. And she even forgave him when he took her dogging. It all ended badly, though, when his sexual adventures went too far. "He went to the bathroom on me," she wailed.
• Jill Halfpenny's portrayal of Kev's GBH-loving wife Roxy who turned up to ruin their lives.
• The obligatory fight at The Jockey, in the midst of Kylie's Can't Get You Out Of My Head at the wake. Veronica objected to Kev dancing with Roxy. "Remember me? I know that it must be hard prising yourself away from tarty tits but I'm your fucking wife." The mayhem included a headbutt, broken furniture and the sad sight of Debbie collecting up the ashes of Kev's mum in a smokey bacon crisp packet.
• The beautiful slow motion sequence as Veronica threw out all of Kev's possessions
• Carol – "I'm always a touch flatulent after carbonara."
• Kev's discovery that his mother kept a scrapbook about Princess Diana – "including a section on her bulimia."
• Carol finally emerging as a decent mother when she cracked Roxy over the head with a wine bottle as she waved a knife at Kev and Veronica.

What was bad about it?
• Norman's genitalia wiggling around far too much, although it wasn't the most unappealing penis seen on Channel 4 this week – that was the silicon-injected monster featured on The Perfect Penis on Monday.

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 7 February 2006
Did we like it?
This series gets better and better. This episode interweaved all sorts of stories in expert style and had a lot less of tiresome Frank because it was directed (brilliantly) by actor David Threlfall.

What was good about it?
• Sex-obsessed Carl finally losing his virginity to chavvy Chloe (scraped-back hair/hooped earrings etc) but not before his run-ins with the law and the loutish Maguire family – and a fall through the ceiling of the attic where he'd created a cannabis farm and lovepad.
• The awkward morning-after-the-shag before when Ian was leaving the flat of one-night stand/local cop Russell
• Lip's boredom during wake-up sex with his temporary girlfriend. "I thought you'd be up and off first thing you," she told him.
• Carol relishing the moment when she broke what she thought was bad news to Sheila that daughter Karen was a lesbian. "I didn't want to be the one to tell you but they say it's down to the upbringing."
• Sheila being thrilled when she thought Karen was gay (she isn't). "Being a lesbian's a wonderful thing," she trilled. She even held a dinner party (featuring oysters and breast-like cakes) for Karen and The Jockey's lesbian landlady Jez. ("Was your mother a lesbian?" she enquired during the small talk.)
• Sheila pushing Frank to admit Karen's gay. "I want you to say, loud and proud. Give voice to it." A reluctant Frank replied: "Karen sucks gash."
• The petrified desk sergeant calling in the riot squad when Mimi Maguire turned up at the station
• A beleaguered Lip ordering a pint of lager, a chaser and an E at The Jockey – and then consuming them in reverse order
• Carol standing up to Mimi Maguire when asked what she was looking at. "I don't rightly know but it's bloody ugly and it seems to be looking back," she said, while son Marty exploded with Tourette's syndrome insults "Ermintrude" and "Jabba".
• Yvonne's customer service in the minimarket: "Buy something or fuck off."
• The happy ending when Lip and Mandy decided to give it a go as a pair
• Carl's failure to pass his mock English exam with the poem: "A fit lad called Carl had a dream of how he could get girls to scream. He'd strip 'em off nude and smear 'em with food, and watch their boobs bounce on a trampoline."

What was bad about it?
• We didn't like the kicking the Maguire brothers gave to the little boy
• We don't really think that Frank would be the sort to say" You're Karen isn't into kd lang," when Sheila told him her daughter was a lesbian

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 14 February 2006
Did we like it?
This was the most sombre episode of the series and not as enjoyable as the rest.

What was good about it?
• Lip laying down the law for Debbie's houseparty: "No spirits, no class As."
• Kevin and Veronica comparing their passport photos to Ken Dodd and Myra Hindley
• Kev on Carol: "That twisted old cow wouldn't know true love if it jumped up and bit her on the minge."
• Veronica yapping away about the holiday in Cyprus while having sex with Kev. "We're best taking our own teabags because tea's really shit over there."
• The scene when the anti-drink tablets wear off and Frank can enjoy booze again: the sun came out, the Hallelujah Chorus struck up, people were smiling and dancing, fireworks exploded,

What was bad about it?
• Debbie's flirtation with being a chavvy little tart (make-up, hoop earrings, short skirts). Thanks goodness she saw sense in the end and spurned the advances of an admirer ("Can I finger you?")
• Marty's distress when Sue (boo) walked out, leaving behind a pile of debts – resulting in him reverting to arson (unfortunately, he petrol bombed the Poverty Action charity shop rather than the Debt Crunchers loan shark shop next door)

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 21 February 2006
Did we like it?
Mixing sadness with humour and a touch of the usual vulgarity, this was a marvellous end to the series, which has remained almost flawless (one gripe – the backseat role taken by Ian)

What was good about it?
• Frank's stag night: lagers lined up on the bar/a monstrous Britney Spears-like stripper/ending up naked on the pool table
• Sheila's plans for the conservatory ("frosted glass and black-out curtains") and her wedding cake ("Martha Stewart berry basket cake with wooden dowel supports if I can get them. If I can't, I'll make do with toilet rolls.")
• Sheila fending off the builders with a shovel after realising they'd uncover the husband she buried under the patio.
• Frank's shock when he discovered the husband had been stabbed ("that was some fucking fall down the stairs") – and Veronica's disappointment when the jewellery robbed from the corpse turned out to be fake
• Frank getting mawkish to stop Sheila confessing to the murder of her abusive husband. "If you go to prison, you will kill another man because I'll die of a broken heart."
• Frank's joke at his wedding reception: "What does bigamy mean? One wife too many! What does monogamy mean? The same fucking thing!"
• Marty's attempt to take photographs at the wedding. Just has he clicked, he had a Tourette's twitch and only captured a blurred bunch of flowers
• Carol's facial hair problems
• Debbie using speccy admirer Brian to get her a bridesmaid's dress in return for a kiss.
• Lip's fantasy in which he turned into his father, with disheveled long hair and a tendency to fall over in The Jockey

What was bad about it?
• Debbie's BoPeepish bridesmaid's dress
• The use of Cliff Richard's Congratulations to mark the marriage of Frank to Sheila
• Poor Veronica's IVF failed again
• We don't think Frank would know about the Labour government's spin doctors, thus rendering this clever line improbable: "What is it about women? Devious! Like Alastair Campbell the lot of you."

Shameless Series 3 on DVD
Did we like it?
It was the best series to date – so yes, we loved it. The DVD also includes the very special New Year special.

What was good about it?
• Any fears that the departure of Fiona and Steve would dilute the impact of the drama were soon dispelled as Debbie took on the authoritarian matriarch role, the voice of sanity while her brothers ran riot.
• Frank and Sheila's bizarre relationship is one of the highlights running through the series, along with Carl's randiness, Lip's tenderness after becoming a dad and Ian’s sadness when his heart is broken.
• The Gallaghers being outchavved by the Maguires.
• Ridiculous events such as Liam Day, Stars Up Their Arse at The Jockey, Frank's stag night and the Frank-Sheila wedding
• The best of the extras is a mockumentary called Being Alice Barry (Lillian Unpeeled), profiling the actress who plays the sentimental, speccy benefit fraudster. She's interviewed while doing the washing while Shameless creator Paul Abbott struggles to remember who on earth she is.
Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 9 January 2007
Did we like it?
Shameless became a little Charmless. The menacing Maguires and the manipulative Monica trampled over all the joyful us-against-the-world spirit. It's as if the whizz supply on the Chatsworth Estate has been exhausted and all that's left is the valium.


What was good about it?
• Rebecca Ryan as Debbie, the girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders. She agonised over whether to let mum Monica back into the family that had been coping without her. Pity she made the wrong decision and relented in the end.
• The comic death of the dog (it's not real! don't ring Rolf) that dragged Frank from the kitchen he'd set ablaze – but then got shut inside as Frank clambered to his unsteady feet.
• Lip's chavvy party to celebrate his 18th, no 19th, birthday. Pizza, sausage rolls, bin of booze etc. Just like in the Iceland ads.
• Jess and Debbie's CB chat with trucking Norma
• Everyone's acting was well up to scratch – it's just the tone of this episode that was wrong.
• The Waltons parody to end the episode was a nice touch
• The new Irish cop provides a little bit of pleasing eye candy (making up for the loss of Dean Lennox Kelly) as, of course, does Lip, who has turned into quite a hunk
• The Maguires' birthday present to Lip – a knuckleduster – was a funny way to convey how awful they are (but their tattooing of his baby went too far).
• Carol's sluttish behaviour with the plumber


What was bad about it?
• Paul Abbott's creation can go a little haywire in the hands of other writers. Emma Frost, who wrote this opener to series four, was way off the mark when she gave Frank a Churchillian wit. “You’re covered in sick,” Lip told him “Son, you’re ugly. But tomorrow I shall be clean.” Not the sort of riposte a boozed-up Frank is capable of. Plus it's inaccurate. Lip is lovely. And Frank will never be clean.
• Although funny, the line about the three greatest lies of all time wasn't original. For the record, they are: "Big is beautiful", "The cheque's in the mail" and "Of course, I won't come in your mouth."
• We're going to miss the antics of Kev and Veronica now they've been jailed in Romania for buying an orphan baby (and, in Veronica's case, nutting a policeman).
• Especially as their replacements are the Maguire family, who were fun as the nasty wolves in the forest but are too close for comfort now they've moved next door to the Gallagher clan.
• We love the actress Annabelle Apsion but don't like the character of Monica, even though she comes as part of a double-act with her brilliant trucking lesbian lover Norma.
• Not enough of our favourite bingo babe Lillian
• Not enough of newcomer Ciaran Griffiths, formerly a bonnie bobby in The Bill, now part of the Maguire clan. He did get to throw the first punch of the series, though, in the grimy gents in The Jockey.
• The Marty, Karen and the little baby soppy story.
• The title sequence – "But they know how to throw a paaaaarty!" – is looking tired now.